I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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