sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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