I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
