I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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