Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
