what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
