This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
