chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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