So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
