spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she peed on how many people?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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