You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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