Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
