I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
