Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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