So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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