i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
