I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
