honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
