i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
