You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
