please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
