your parents love me but you hate me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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