I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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