Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
