The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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