I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
