therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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