You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
