I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
