I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
