You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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