And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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