Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
