I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
