I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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