first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the condom got lost in my hair
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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