Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
