Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
