Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize