I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
