I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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