When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
