forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
