My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
