It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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