swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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