FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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