Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
