Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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