summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize