I will die if light touches me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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