did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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