is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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