I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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