I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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