So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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