I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
