Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
