4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
