So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
