Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
