I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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