Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
