I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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