First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize