dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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