So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
