This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
