you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize