she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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