in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize