some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
