can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
