sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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