I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
