i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
