Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
