This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
