I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
