I cannot find my penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
