life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
