The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
