you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
