he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
