i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize