yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
