Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
