She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
