Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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