who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
