Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
