we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
