If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
