i already hear my dad disowning me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
