Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
