Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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