Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
