Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
