he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
