Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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