Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize