There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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