Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
