oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
