Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
