Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
