i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
