well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
