So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize