Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
