I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
