Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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