WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
