It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
