make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
