Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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